It would get me all excited often triggering a new thought about a different subject that I was also reading about. I had (and still do) a stack of a dozen books by my bed at any time and I would start reading one to help me sleep. When I was manic I couldn’t focus on a single book. I’d sometimes read books at night to help calm me down. My mind would sometimes get stuck and fixate on whatever I was into at the moment and just spin and spin. My mind would jump from topic to topic like a scratched record jumping tracks. When I was manic I would occasionally stay awake for days with just a few short naps here and there. Insomnia has been a constant companion for most of my life. Perhaps one of the biggest tells that something going on in my head wasn’t right, was my insomnia.
IAMX INSOMNIA MEANING FULL
Maybe a discography full of Depeche Mode, The Cure, and The Smith’s as a 10 year old should have been a sign something was up. All I knew is that this song or group were speaking my language. Many of the songs that really moved me, seemed to touch on aspects of my daily life living with a mental illness, even though I really didn’t realize I was ill at the time. Knowing I am bipolar is a fairly recent event in my life, though I likely have had it for half my life. Sure I enjoy the occasional happy pop song but they never really make me feel. One of my favorites growing up was Blasphemous Rumours by Depeche Mode. I tell her that poppy songs about relationships or cheesy upbeat lyrics have never connected with me. Lyrics that often navigated complex emotions that weren’t the common feelings discussed in pop songs about relationships or being happy. To her the songs seemed melancholy and built around dark lyrics. My wife used to wonder why I liked many of the songs on my playlists.
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